Is there an argument I can pass to netgen that will ensure the netlist pin names also match, not just the order?

No. the pin names are supposed to match. The solution is to update netgen as soon as I fix the error. I already fixed the main error that causes it not to mark as a failure pins that are matched by name only. There is an additional error that got uncovered when I fixed the first error, but it looks minor and should be able to track it down and fix it this morning, and then I will push all the corrections to the netgen repository.